Brain Cum



Ask me anything  
Had a pretty good Christmas this year.

Had a pretty good Christmas this year.

Everything you ever needed to know about sex in seven seconds (the length of one sex act).

Daddies make the best Mommies. 

Daddies make the best Mommies. 

And all those opposed to eating horse meat [Neigh!]

I dreamt about my appetite again last night, it was another whet dream.

My Last Will and Testament states that if I’m ever unable to jerk off, pull the plug. If there isn’t a plug, chop my head off.

I accidentally got my testicles caught in my zipper today. That’s the last time I wear boots with zippers!

I never peel my string cheese, I just stick it right up my butt as is.

This one is called: Love thy neighbor (Neighborhood Watch)

This one is called: Love thy neighbor (Neighborhood Watch)

This one is called: The grass is always greener

This one is called: The grass is always greener

This one is called: We need more power bottoms (argh, argh, argh)

This one is called: We need more power bottoms (argh, argh, argh)

Tales of Abstinence

Our eye glasses clink together as our foreheads touch, the rubber bands on our braces intertwine as we kiss, our chastity belts scrape against each other as we dry hump, sparks are flying, the couch catches fire, we burn alive. #Passion

Shaq History Month!

Shaq History Month!

I guarantee my workout video will help you get the body you always wanted (mine). 

This one is called: A sticky situation (sanity is fleeting)

This one is called: A sticky situation (sanity is fleeting)

Here is a video Derek Henkels and I made about Minnesota. 

Honesty isn’t even in my top 5 policies

Do you need help putting on your cape?
No, I’m perfectly capable myself.

I used to have one pet, now I have lots of pets. My dog has worms.

My parents never washed my mouth out with soap for swearing, but I once flicked them off, and they made me wash my hands. It was fucking disgusting.

I once blew a fuse, I have a fireworks fetish.

This one is called: Fight the Power

This one is called: Fight the Power

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